What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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