I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
