i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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