so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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