PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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