My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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