About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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