saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
