Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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