yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
