you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize