My cat gives me a boner
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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