Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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