Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
