Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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