it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Randomize
