just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize