I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
