Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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