the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
