the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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