why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
