If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just gargled with NyQuil
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
