I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
