What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize