She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
