he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
