i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
