i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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