Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
