Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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