bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
