i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
