all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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