'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
