Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
