he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
