he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
