If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
