Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
