Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
