Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
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He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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