im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
