Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize