i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
