They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
