I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
