The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
