we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
