i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
