So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
