Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pappa wants mamma naked
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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