can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
