My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This house was built for laser tag.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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