my vag is so smooth its legendary
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
