Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
