He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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