***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
