I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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