god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
